I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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