I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
