woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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