i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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