Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
