How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
