she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
