2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
