its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
