fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
3pm strippers are depressing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
