yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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