i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize