the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
