Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
