She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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