So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
