im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
