We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
