On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
