I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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