I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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