i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
