just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
