Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
