so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
