If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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