My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
