If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize