I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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