i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
