Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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