He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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