i wish my penis had a tongue
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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