How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
