Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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