thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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