So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I forget how to act sober
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