I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
