I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize