The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
