i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
