I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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