Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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