I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
