I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize