when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
