my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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