Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
worst night to have a conscience
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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