just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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