i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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