if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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