This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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