im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Randomize
