very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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