There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
