Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
