Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
