the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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