The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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