Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
