is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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