Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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