did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
