my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
