Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
