My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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