My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
