just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
