I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
