I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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