So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize