every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
