he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
