Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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