y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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