oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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