Just took my morning after pill in the library
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
