1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
