Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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