can u get pink eye on your cock?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
