I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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