A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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