Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
