I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
