um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
