please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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