with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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