Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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