They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
