my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize