On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
