Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
