I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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