This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize