The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
