I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
