I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
