it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my poor anus
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
