Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
