I feel like abortions should bother me more
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
