I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
