The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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