$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
